Exchange of Realities

“Less is more.” It’s a cliché because it’s true—doubly so in regards to writing.

When describing a character, you don’t need to say everything outright; in fact, it’s better if you don’t. Many people find it necessary to include a full swatch of detail in their descriptions, not realizing that some of the information they’ve added has already been implied, or can be shown in later dialogue and activity.

For an example, I’ll use a side character I created who goes by Ruby. She’s about nineteen, but her visible age is closer to sixteen for reasons having to do with the fact that people like her don’t age. Her hair is black but with a streak of red, and she wears it in a ponytail; her eyes are blue. Despite having sold her soul to the forces of death a few years ago on the advice of her semi-mentor Lirit, she’s absurdly perky and highly energetic. She tries to come across as younger and more innocent or clueless than she really is, particularly by using a childlike mode of speech and talking extremely quickly, but occasionally slips and spits out a military metaphor or a strong analysis of the emotional situation around her, giving away the fact that she has a strong grasp of strategy and a more than decent understanding of how people work. While her gifts and her inclinations would ordinarily run more to the range of smack the target first and ask questions later, she’s been strongly tempered by Lirit’s influence, and practically idolizes the older woman. Despite her sweet and innocent veneer, she is still capable of acts of almost unnecessary violence, but only to a certain extent and only when upset or otherwise provoked. The full impact of her decision to serve the powers of death hasn’t quite sunk in yet, or at least hadn’t by the time she was first introduced in the story. While she used to consider herself to be Lirit’s semi-invincible bodyguard, she had a run of incidents in which she didn’t put up near as much of a fight as she should have been able to, and afterwards had to learn to be cautious, and was afraid she’d fail again; in times of stress she clings to her role as a fighter, as she considers that to be her job, her identity, and one of her greatest skills.

As they say in the Schoolhouse Rock song about pronouns, “I could say that, but I don’t have to.”

Instead, I put it like this.

She sprints in on the balls of her feet, as much leaping as running; a girl of medium height, hints of red flashing in her black ponytail as it bobs behind her. When she sees Lirit sitting on the ground, her blue eyes widen, and she squeals and darts over, flopping splay-legged to the ground in front of the older woman. After a quick hello, she segues into the events of the day at top speed, as if her words were kittens diving out of an upended hamper in the rush to get up and go play.

Then I actually start getting into the dialogue. For now, I’ll use snippets of another conversation with a friend of hers. When he asks her what she’d do about someone who has the power and is the “right type” as she put it, to have ended up corrupt, she replies “See if they’re corrupt, and if they are beat it out of ‘em!” as she smacks her fist into her palm, then pauses, flushing slightly, and hurriedly finishes, “…gently.” When pressed for how she’d handle someone she couldn’t handle on her own due to her lack of political power, she continues “Then I outflank ‘em first. Already got the high ground, just gotta know how to maneuver. Get ‘em to extend themselves first, then strike!” Again with the palm-smack, and then she pauses, and scuffs a toe in the ground, mumbling “…or something like that.” She talks about the local bureaucracy as “red-tapey stuff” and suggests handing that part off to someone better trained in that field. Once, she got dragged into a discussion of a friend’s relationship angst, and managed to walk him through it pretty decently, in her own charming way.

Other things I do involve specific actions and events. I illustrate her bloodthirsty side by describing her painting an enemy’s walls with the blood of his minions on the way out after he took her captive—but later, when she’s reliving an event long before she was born involving the deaths of an entire city of people, she practically balls up, whispering, “That’s what we wanted?” After one of her more embarrassing defeats, she gets into an argument with her friends because they take her tearful-angry “I’m not something to look at; I’m something to be afraid of!” as self-hatred rather than trying to reaffirm her role. When I first introduced her, she began every sentence that had to do with knowledge or how people interact with “Lirit says” (unless, of course, Lirit was there to be her own expert) and deferred to Lirit on all matters, but after nearly losing her to a bit of bad strategy, she starts actually opposing Lirit’s presence on the battlefield, even going so far as to tell some allies of theirs to “Run away, and take her with you” and specifically countermanding Lirit’s insistence on staying with the group—possibly the first time she’d ever opposed a direct order from her teacher.

If you look through the preceding paragraphs carefully, you will notice that I covered every bit of information from the first in the next few. Some I imply in the initial description (the physical appearance, her generally hyper approach and childlike behavior), while others come across from her actions and demeanor (“We beat it out of them! ….gently.” being one of my personal favorites). But instead of slowing down the plot with descriptions, this method both allows me to show off her character without interrupting the action, and gives her scenes reread value, as someone might notice something on a second pass that wasn’t apparent the first time through.

And isn’t that so much better?