Exchange of Realities

Featuring our favorite adviser to the dark and the inexperienced, the Generic Villain.

Imagine this. Those goody-two-shoes have slipped, and you’ve managed to capture them. Your subjects are getting restless, and a display of what it means to defy you is starting to sound like a better idea all the time. Or maybe you’re an innocuous evil ruler, and you just need to make it look like another problem is being solved. Most people would come to the conclusion that the logical thing to do is to kill two birds with one stone and rather visibly execute those little troublemakers.

Most of these people, unfortunately, have forgotten about the Laws of Dramatics. They are why we exist; we need to familiarize ourselves with them to ensure that we are not overthrown by them. And one of the biggest ones is the Narrative Protection Principle, or Claw’s Rule. The short version is, if the protagonists can survive, THEY WILL. So you need to have all your bases covered. Not just belt-and-suspenders, but also clips, extra buttons, glue and stasis spells.

Remember that despite not having much in the way of official support, heroes have friends. Most people are notoriously bad at making sure a hero’s entire party is out of the picture; there’s always some sort of spy in the organization, or they don’t quite pick them all up—or both—either way, there’s usually someone out there with a grudge and a plan who’s going to pull a rescue operation. Which, due to Claw’s Rule, will almost invariably succeed. And don’t get me started on loose familiars—I could go for a day on those. This potential risk is exacerbated by the fact that most such executions are officially scheduled so as to ensure the largest possible audience. Do we really want to give these people a timetable?

And don’t forget our own forces. You may have noticed that their competence is inversely proportional to their proximity to the protagonists: not only can they not aim when dealing with heroes on a rescue mission, but they display an utter inability to hold onto their keys. It’s more incompetence than complicity, yes, but it can utterly ruin the occasion. Besides, what if despite your best hiring practices, you end up with a trusted subordinate who’s fallen for one of the protagonists? It always ends badly at that point.

Last of all there’s the inevitable consequences of failure. And I don’t just mean having to execute an entire tier of incompetent minions, though that in itself can be rather frustrating. Consider your image; what does it say about you if, despite all your power and all your forces, a ragtag band of misfits with nothing but a little narrative protection to their names can remove your worst enemy, one who would already be dead if you’d just done the deed yourself, from right under your nose? Really, wouldn’t it make more sense to kill them quietly, immediately, and be done with it, and if you must publicize it do so by image projection after the fact?

If you must use the public execution tactic anyway, have a plan and a few contingencies ready. A little caution can help to mitigate the aforementioned difficulties, of course, and even turn them to your advantage (and provide potential amusement). Consider the date of execution. Why not announce it as an earlier date than it’s actually going to occur? Not only will it bring the rescue party out of the woodwork at a time and place of your choosing, but it will force them to rush their preparations, and rushed heroes can be careless heroes. If you’re feeling really ambitious, you can try to capture them and post another early execution date in case you missed a few, but I wouldn’t recommend it. Too risky.

Regarding your minions—well, even training courses aren’t too good at fighting against the Laws of Dramatics. It doesn’t mean we can’t take precautions, though. The keys, for instance; why not give your minions a whole ring full of keys, with some sort of detection spell on a few of them? Sure, they might drop the keyring, or walk too close to the pickpocket, or what have you, but a. it’s unlikely that the protagonist will get the right key on the first try, and b. they’ll probably keep the entire ring figuring that many keys will have to come in handy somehow. Location magic, anyone? If at all possible, make it a keyring that doesn’t even include the key to the room the protagonists are in or the restraints they’re wearing. Just make sure they can’t hear you gloat.

In sum, public execution of the protagonists is more trouble than it’s worth, but if you’re going to do it, do it right.

Want more wit and wisdom from the Generic Villain?  Look here.