Exchange of Realities

Our recording of the Generic Villain’s presentation to an audience of villainesses at EvilCon was interrupted by our correspondent being tapped as a “volunteer” for a demonstration on avoiding capture. Due to the visual element of the demonstration, we have had to adjust formats to compensate.

GV (an imposing figure in a black buff coat and light chain underneath, with a helmet that obscures the face): Yes, you. Now.

Observer steps onto the platform. She’s a slight figure, very clearly a lightweight, and not particularly happy about the situation; she eyes the rather obviously armed fellow audience members, all of whom seem to be pointing something in her general direction. The rubber duck trained on her from Row 2 almost gets a snicker out of her, though.

GV: The first thing to do is make sure you’ve got some sort of recourse if a protagonist attempts to go for a grapple. Consider keeping in shape; it makes you look harder to latch onto, and forces them to think before you move.

GV moves in to take Observer by the wrist; Observer breaks free, more cleanly than would be expected for someone of her size and build.

GV: ….or that happens. Keeping a lightweight appearance but using a magical boost to your strength both satisfies the need for the ability to get away and lures your assailant into false confidence. Under most circumstances, this should be exploited by either counterattacking or fleeing. Unfortunately, this tactic has one major weakness: any supernatural boost to power can be dispelled. (GV does so). This leaves you vulnerable–

GV takes the Observer’s arm, then jumps back as if having been stung; fingers still limned by sparks of electricity. Observer smirks.

Observer: …unless, that is, you have a defensive measure triggered by the dispelling of your primary strength boost. This doesn’t work under power-suppression, of course, but the reaction can be rather amusing to watch.

GV comes up behind Observer, grabbing her around the waist and pinning her arms to her sides.

GV: Again, standing and watching, no matter how amusing it is, leaves you vulnerable. Prevention is nine tenths of avoidance. Note, if you yourself ever need to maintain a grapple—and you probably will, as the worlds are full of people with useful secrets—that you should keep a firm grip at all times. Your target will be—A pause, as the Observer nearly breaks free—looking for openings. If you yourself have been grabbed, you should do the same. Now, if avoidance is not your specialty, additional tricks such as the ability to become ethereal or the use of doubles—again, GV pauses, realizing that the Observer simultaneously has gone limp and is all the way across the room, making her way for the door—may. Help. A great. Deal. So can a strong offensive against the individual threatening you, so he never gets the chance. If this is demonstrated, though, you will die, is that understood? Good. Either way, our little friend here is illustrating the importance of having an escape plan ahead of time. Plans will not always succeed, but they’re not that hard to change on the fly, and being able to improvise might save you.

GV drops the limp observer-double and gestures; pale blue light covers the doors.

GV: Now, there are some situations in which escape is impossible—and that includes this one, girl, so GET BACK HERE. Think carefully in these cases. This is one time when the atrocious redemption rate can be used in your favor; heroes are that much likely to fall for it if you appear to decide that you’re in love with them—though I don’t recommend this one, it’s too popular—or have seen the light through their purity or that you were forced down your path by some tragic event like relatives being threatened or something equally dramatic and nauseating like that. This requires a certain amount of acting ability, of course. There’s nothing worse than a wooden actor trying to pull that stunt. And note: if it succeeds, get clear of them as soon as possible; they’ve already subdued you once, so unless they’re worn out and you’re still fresh, they probably will again. If you are in their company when they figure out that you were lying, Do. Not. Gloat. Strike back, or run. Monologues are for dealing with completely helpless, familiar-neutralized protagonists in completely secure locations only. Is that understood?

The Observer, meanwhile, looks at the sealed door, sighs, and returns to the stage.

As we have run out of time, we will continue this next week. More Generic Villainy can be found here .

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