Exchange of Realities

Reader Shinali, on behalf of Shinta Palsu, asks:

My question, O Generic Villain, whose words flow like silk, relates to some concerns I have about my master’s relationships. I am not one to object to a lust or affairs, frankly it’s my business (Cupid has nothing on me, or so says my master). The problem is he has a lovely family (Jezzy is so perfect for him, and her baby girl Lillith is so adorable!), which certainly helps him with proaga… PR, but I think he may be falling for the top concubine in his harem, Midnight. The harem at least keeps him away from falling for the filthy so-called heroes, but honestly, who falls for a concubine?!
My main concern is he is listening to her wishes, and doing what she wants. It’s frankly very scary, because a normal human like that with that much power over him…what will become of all we’ve worked for? Couldn’t the enemy “hero” queen just bribe this slut and sway my master indirectly. Please help, I need to know if this is as dangerous as it seems?

Dear Shinali/Shinta Palsu:

At least I know I don’t have to tell you that if all else fails, try flattery! You’ve certainly got that trick in hand.

As for your problem, yes, this could get serious. I’m sure you’ve already guessed that the answer is not “Kill her.” (Yes, villains and minions, violence is not always the first answer!) After all, doing so, whether it failed or succeeded, would make an enemy of your boss, and since we can already doubt his judgment, I doubt he’d have enough to figure out what a favor you were doing him. So on to Plan B.

You’re going to want to start with information. Particularly, what does he see in this concubine of his, and how is that better than what he can get from his family? You can ask personally, but that’s risky; on the other hand, she’s got a whole harem full of rivals, and at least one of them is bound to be jealous. Not only do they probably have some idea why this one’s the favorite, but their antipathy to this “Midnight” makes them perfect scapegoats if and when you do something. If the attraction’s mutual, figuring out what she sees in him might also help. Moreover, see if you can figure out what her agenda is; if you can’t split the two of them, you might at least be able to make sure she stays bought.

In order to stall while you’re working on the problem, manufacture yourself a series of boss-necessary tasks. If you have to, fake an emergency, but you’d probably be safer finding an objective that could be reached if he could instruct on this, oversee that, be present for the other, you get the idea. Extra credit if you can keep Midnight occupied the few times he’s available, so he has to go back to his family.

Got the basis for their relationship figured out? Good. It’s time to weaken it. The easiest way to do this is to strike against whatever it is that connects those two. If it’s about beauty, find a way to eliminate the good looks (I personally recommend doing this by proxy; I’m sure there’s some rival of hers who can be baited to extreme measures). If he’s fool enough to trust her, find some small detail he’s trusted her with and make sure everyone and the dog learns it. The big thing to remember is to stay indirect, at least for now.

There is an alternate method; it might have greater rewards, but there’s a commensurately greater risk of the boss’s displeasure. Essentially, what you’d be doing is proving the danger you’re writing to me about exists by making the concubine betray herself. Can you, or a third party you know won’t make trouble, bribe her to do something harmless that the boss wouldn’t want her to do? Try it. Make sure that if she falls for it, she does something that will leave proof. Then come running to the boss with it. If she did this now, how do we know she won’t do so again? Just make sure she was bribed and not coerced; the blame has to clearly rest on her.

If all else fails, approach your boss about your concerns directly. He knows love is your specialty, and who better than a specialist to know about the pitfalls? Besides, isn’t it the job of subordinates to watch out for little problems like this?

Good luck, and let me know how it goes.

Do you, too, have questions for The Generic Villain? Leave a comment.